U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize