My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I intend to get homeless drunk
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
