just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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