Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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