is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
