Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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