Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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