ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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