the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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