I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
