What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
