Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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