Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
