Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
