guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
