So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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