I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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