why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize