(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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