There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
