I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
