i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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