I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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