Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
