I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
