I accidentally burped into my bong.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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