If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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