my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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