Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
