Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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