see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
