Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
