apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize