Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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