Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
