I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
