My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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