why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
