Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
