How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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