so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's never too late to be topless.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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