i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
