Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
