I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dicks are not precious.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
