Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
