i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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