Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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