You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
