Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I checked into jail on foursquare
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
