the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There's always time for handjobs
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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