forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
