She's JV to your varsity
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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