Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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