What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
