Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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