we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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