My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
