It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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