how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
