I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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