where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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