i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
