I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
