I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
