well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
