Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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