omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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