The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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