if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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