It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
