TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
