I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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