We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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