I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They took my balls.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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