we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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