Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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