Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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