I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
