i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
