hotel room ftw
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i came on her dog
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize