I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
