i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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