I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
