I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
