Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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