mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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