i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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