I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Randomize
