All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
