All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
