i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
